In addition to other hats I wear, I also administer standardized tests to home schooled students so families can fulfill Oregon’s laws for these families.
In early June, I received my first shipment of A Cowboy with No Horse, the first book in my Spruceland Farms series. In my mind and as a goal for the books, I view the middle-grade historical fiction series equivalent to Little House on the Prairie. Since homeschool families like to read, I felt I should offer the books for sale the same day as June’s scheduled test.
The evening before the test, I began re-reading the book and came across an error, just a comma here and a missing quotation mark there. Then I came across a curly quote going the wrong direction and a missing preposition. How many times had I read it before? How many times had other eyes gone over it? I have no idea. Nevertheless, mistakes still existed.
During the night voices began to shout. “It’s not good enough” and “Put the boxes away in your spare room, never let them see the light of day.” Then they became more personal. “Who are you to think you can write?” and “No one will ever buy your books anyway, no one reads anymore.” It got worse: “You have other things to do with your time” and “You are wasting your time and money.”
For over an hour I argued with these voices before I began to pray and finally slept again. The next morning, instead of stuffing the boxes in the closet, I put some of the books in my bag, along with a note attached to an acrylic frame showing the cover of the book: First edition: guaranteed to have mistakes…but also an example for you and your children of not being paralyzed by the fear of perfection.
On a table in the entry, I set out A Cowboy with No Horse and The 80-Foot Fall: Affirming God’s Goodness in Troubled Times, a book I published previously about my youngest son’s work-related accident in 2022. After the students had finished their testing, I talked with a mom who bought both of those books. She said, “It looks like you’ve gone through hard times as well. Our family has been through a lot this past year.”
On my drive home, I prayed for this family and later learned some of what they experienced. When I did, I cried.
Because of my own doubts and fears vying for attention, I almost missed the opportunity to encourage and pray for them and be a part of the bigger story God is writing that I will never see this side of eternity.
What about you? Are there fears holding you back because of similar voices? What might happen if you chose to move forward anyway?
Since that day, another set of eyes and a red pen found a few more mistakes. I’ve made the changes and am waiting for a shipment of the updated version. I’m hoping they will arrive in time for the Christmas in July event Willamette Valley Christian Supply is hosting on Saturday, July 11th 10-4:00 in the Heritage Mall in Albany. I’ve been invited to attend a book signing there with other local authors.
If the updated books aren’t here, I’ll have The 80-Foot Fall and the first edition of A Cowboy with No Horse. May it be an example for you to not become paralyzed by the fear of perfection. If you will be in the area, come see me! I’d love to hear your story of overcoming fears and how your mistakes led to a mission.
Linda
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